Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
