So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
