why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
