his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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