New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
