We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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