look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
