I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
