Your dad touched me again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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