She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
