I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
