It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
