So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
