I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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