she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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