I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They have beer where we have blood.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
