I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
