So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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