I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just google imaged poop.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
