i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
