# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
