I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
