Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
