pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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