First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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