Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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