Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
