Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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