My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
