Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
