There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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