operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
