i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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