btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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