We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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