there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
