Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
