I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
