fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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