I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
