I bet he comes in French.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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