She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
