i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
