he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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