I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
