Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
