"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
