He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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