is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
