Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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