oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Randomize
