ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
