She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
