3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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