shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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