she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
