The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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