just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
