im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
